Monday, June 27, 2005

10 years ago today,

my twins were born. Two gorgeous girls, squirmy with fluid like fish, snuffled into my arms.

Today, ten years later, I am not with you.

I have heard your voices trilling excitedly down the phone about your party, about the presents wrapped in ribbon and paper waiting to be ripped open. As you bubbled down the line to me, did you hear my heart telling you I love you? Did you feel my arms, squeeze like chewing gum all the way down the line to give you a heart-stopping hug?

My children, my babes, my slices of lettuce, my rib-eye steaks, my slices of cheese through pregnancy have become extensions, limbs that walk, that chatter, that weep with fear...and being without you today, is like an amputation. Without you, parts of me are missing and all I see are the shadows where you are not. The rumpled beds where your warm hearts beat at night, your sticky pages which you mark with sweet-savoured hands, and your pillows, hugged in your arms.

Happy birthday my darlings.

I miss you....

Minerva

13 comments:

kenju said...

Too bad you are not with your girls on their birthday; can you see them soon enough to make up for that?

Mama Mouse said...

Minerva ... that is just so very sad. I can understand your feelings ... I have to sons in their 30's that I rarely even talk to let alone see.

Every holiday and birthday is lonely for me. Its not that they can't be here ... they are just too busy in their own lives and live too far away.,

But be glad that they are there and while you might not be able to see them as often as you'd like ... you still will be able to. So many can't as their children are angels.

Hugs

Last Girl On Earth said...

It stinks that you can't be with your girls on their birthday. But once again, Ms. Minerva, I have to tell you that I am in love with the way you write. So beautiful. Every time I read one of your posts I am transported to another place. xoxo

Laynie said...

M, you write so with such painful honesty. I ache when you ache, I soar when you do. You have such true talent.

Monkey said...

my heart hurts for you...i can not imagine what it would be like to miss my kids' birthdays...

hugs hun...

peace...

Helen said...

I'm sorry for your pain. Truely.
Peace...........

Evil Minx said...

oh babes...

my eyes are filled with tears at the pain of your separation.

but you'll see them soon, hang in there.

CS is on the stove and waiting for you, along with both my shoulders, a large box of tissues and some major chocolate.

Love you

emxxx

doris said...

This is too heartbreaking. You write it like it is a permanent separation.

Thank you for sharing these words.

Wendy the Cavewyfe said...

I think a love like that doesn't know time or space. They've got it in their hearts.

xx

Adrian said...

What a sorry little story.
As always a pleasure to read, a thief of my thoughts.

jane said...

How sad that you're apart for their 10th birthday. Your writing made my heart ache with you. I hope the 3 of you are reunited soon.

Jas... said...

I'm very sorry.
Jas...

Pink said...

Ack, there is no pain like the pain you feel after having children. They make you aware of nerves and fears and losses you didn't even know existed. I feel for you, Min...