I am lonely, I am sad and bedraggled like a wet puppy out in the rain. I feel really sad and I can't stop crying.. I know that I am tired after my week at work, but I don't really feel that this is physical 'downness' just mental. I can't raise the smile today, I can't look on the bright side today and I can't be positive. I should be at the prime of my life, and look at me, I am alone, at the weekend with an awful disease which might kill me... I mean, HEY, no wonder I am low, right?
I thought that exercising or seeing my family would make me feel better but you know what? It did temporarily and now? Now, I am home alone and the loneliness is back...
All I want is someone to hug me close, to be there when I go to sleep and when I wake up....To remind me that I am alive, that I have lived and that I will live a lot more....
Today is a bad day....
Minerva
16 comments:
I remember that feeling so well, Minerva. If it makes you feel any better at all, the chemo drugs suppress your hormones with one of hte natural side effects being mood swings. I know it doesn't make the feeling go away, but maybe it will at least help you to see that these feelings are very normal. My hope for you is that you can physically feel all the support and hugs (virtual or real) from your family and friends and from all of us out here in Blogland that are with you in spirit.
Don't feel sad....sometimes crying does help though. I am so sorry that you are feeling lonely. Even though we don't know each other, know that I am sending you well wishes from where I am...and HUGS!!!!!!!
Just like Jeanette and Anne said before me... consider yourselves hugged from afar. What you are going through SUCKS!!!! Sometimes, hearing these words seems to help me even more than hearing someone say, "poor baby". I am sorry that you are experiencing such a sucky time, but I have every faith in the world that it is temporary. If I could, I would not only give you a big hug, but I would try my hardest to take your mind off of all of this and make you giggle.
RENT A GOOFY MOVIE! (That always helps!) Maybe something like Airplane. (I always watch Spinal Tap when I'm down. Soap Dish also does it for me.) You get the idea.
And take these and don't forget to smell the roses... xoxoxox,
Deni
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Ride it out... let yourself be that way. A cry might be exactly what you need, no need to be brave today.
Sorry I've not been by for a while, came from Michele's today.
So sorry things are so rough for you at the moment, I can understand how you feel the need to have people around you. I hope tomorrow is a better day.
By the way, I absolutely love your new look blog!
I hate days like that. Sorry you're having one.
Minerva: try writing about something interesting and challenging from your past. It will get your mind off things, get you "in the flow", and might make you feel better.
You can't be brave all the time. Give yourself today to feel sad and depressed. If you are up to it take a quiet walk. This may sound silly, but when cancer had me down, I would sing as I put on my make-up to go to work..."Put on a Happy Face." What I am really saying is do what ever it takes to get you out of the doldrums, and always be as kind and gentle to yourself as you are to others. It is lonely when you are the one with the cancer, no matter how many friends and family are around. I wish I could wrap my arms around you and give you a big supportive hug.
huge hugs to you...wish i could be there in person hun...
wishing you -
peace...
This is me - (((((((hugging you)))))). Wish I could do it in person, Minerva. You are bound to experience mood swings, but don't let them get you down. Hopefully tomorrow will be better....I hope so.
Minerva,
Pretend I am sitting on your lap purring. You can rub my head & stroke my ears & I will rub your face with mine. I hope you feel better now, I don't let just anybody rub me!!
I just so wish that I was there to sit with you. My heart aches with the picture of you there alone that I have in my head. I too was scared and alone. It was a horrible thing. Maybe you need to rest. I think that the roller coaster moods are a big part of this and you can't be hard on yourself for not being "positive" today. Have a good cry. It may help. Have some chocolate, as that sure can't hurt. (((((Hugs)))))
Something from your post below, seems that if you were not so wonderful you wouldn't have all those friends you are thankful for. Maybe you need to stand back and look at what others see?
You are admired, loved even, by a lot of people you never met.
We read your blog regularly because you write intelligently-but you also write with real humanity. With true feeling. If only the Minervas were in the majority.....
I recently discoverd your blog. I am touched by your courage, your sensitivity, and your wisdom. And I think to myself I wish I knew this person in real life but I am happy and feel blessed that I get to read your thoughts. Wishing you much peace and happiness!
hugs
Desireous
Minerva,
I found your site tonight and wanted to let you know how amazing your "Thanks Cancer" entry was. I'm so sorry that you're having a lousy day. I won't offer any trite comments for you... I'll only say I hope you're feeling better already..
Rachael
Minerva
There are lots of hugs for you here..cyber hugs perhaps, but no less strongly felt for that (((hug)))
We are here when you wake up and others are here when you go to sleep...
We will remind you that you are alive, that you have lived, and you will live a whole lot more...
A bad day...just that, a bad day It's bound to happen.
Courage babe...
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