Am I mad? Strangely, not at all. I have discovered so many wonderful things about myself and the world around me through this disease. It is still a foul tumour that doesn't deserve to be pandered by the cells around it, but I have had my life enriched by its existence and learnt to count my blessings.

Here they are, in no particular order.

1. I have got back in touch with friends I have not seen for years and years. My oldest daughter's godmother whom I have not seen since my daughter's christening is back in touch and this was one of my closest friends at university.

2. My family have been amazing. I have had calls every day. My mother has cooked me meals on days when I have been too tired and my brother has accompanied me to every appointment so that I know I have his full support.

3. I have stopped procrastinating on things that are important. I have stopped smoking, I have started eating healthier foods and I have started scrutinising labels. It may have taken cancer but I have realised that my body is special and worth taking care over...

4. That friends really matter, that friends really make a difference and that friends are everywhere. They are on the net, they are at work, they are the friends from school, from university, from places, relationships and seasons in our past. That when something really awful strikes, that a friend is everywhere.

5. That small things really make a difference. The time a boy at school carried my bag when I was too tired. The doctor who sat before chemo to talk to my mother and myself. The nurse who rang me to check I was ok. The wig man who went through all the different choices for ages with me. The nurse who got a blanket for me during chemo as I was cold. The boss at work who fetched my laptop because I was afraid I had left it out and was worried about it getting stolen. The really sick friend at work who called when she was ill herself to find out how I was....


6. I have always thought of myself as not being worth very much. I think that I am lazy and don't make enough effort with quite a few of my friends. I know that I exaggerate and I can't tell a joke to save my life. But, fundamentally, I really don't or rather, didn't, like myself very much but that is changing. Thanks to this cancer, I am seeing myself as someone rather different. I am seeing strength, where once I only saw weakness; I am seeing a heroine, where once I only saw a victim, and I am seeing bravery, where once, I only saw cowardice. That is a major thing for me. I am so used to thinking so little of myself, of blaming myself for my failed marriage, my laziness, my lack of sociability and suddenly, I realise that I may be responsible for these things, but that I have the strength both of mind, body and spirit to change if I want to. I have realised that I can do pretty much anything and everything I want to do......

7. That I want to live. That everything, money, possessions, fame, career means nothing compared with the hug of a child, the touch of lips against skin and a kind, heart soaring word. I once thought I didn't want to live and was eager to let life slip between my toes like sand, to flow like flour between my fingers, but now, my fingers are wet and grasping tight hold of that flour and I am never going to let it go willingly. I have a lot of baking, a lot of consuming and a lot of giving still to do...

I never thought I would say this but thank you Cancer, thank you for showing me how rich life really is, for showing me the things that really matter, and thank you, in advance perhaps, for now disappearing and letting me get on with all that wonderful, splendiferous, halotastic living that I still have to do.....

Minerva