cancer has taught me. I have deliberately phrased it that way as the other alternatives 'things I like...' or things I enjoy'...just aren't true. I can't stand the relentlessly positive spin people put upon cancer. I would still, despite everything that I have learnt in the last few months, choose not to have it, but have it I do, and consequently, I will deal with it, I will fight it with as much serenity, grace and grit as I can muster... Here, then, are the five things that Cancer has taught me..
1) The most important and I am most ashamed that it had to be an illness that taught me this. Friends and family, the people who support you are riches beyond money. My mother who walks my dog, and does some of my shopping, my brother who accompanies me to every appointment are treasures that I have never seen before. They have revealed to me that family and dear friends are the real lottery, that a welcome hug, a warm word has value beyond any amount of riches....That the touch of a child is the most precious gift of all and that I, with my friends, and my dear family, am the winner of the lottery, yes, even the Euromillions, every day..
2) Live every minute. The way that Cancer impacts most lives is that life becomes bitter sweet. One realises the preciousness of every second which creates the sweetness, but realises that this may never happen again, that one may not be around in 5 years, 10 years or even tomorrow. But then, that is the same for all of us..isn't it? Who knows who might slam into our car on the next corner? Who knows what will happen on the next hump in the road? I wish I didn't have to learn this through Cancer, but you know what? At least, I have learnt it, and once learnt, I don't think that feeling of gratitude for the time I have will leave me...
3) I can do this and I can do it, without working, without a partner, and on my own. I have always regarded myself as fundamentally a weak person, a person who works through manipulation, through passive aggression and by mounting charm offensives to get what I want... When you realise that actually you don't get another chance, that this is all there is, then you go for what you want... I am having a few problems with a plumber at the moment..and rather than stewing for ever, I actually said to him on the phone this morning that I needed him to come when he said he would, that I didn't mind if it wasn't for a couple of days but I needed a definite time and date or else, I would have to call someone else...Not rude, just assertive...and you know what? I LIKE this person, this new assertive Minerva, who knows what she wants and will ask for it... (and right now, that is chocolate...*grin*)
4) I am not remarkable, different or particularly noteworthy. I am an ordinary person, but I have been able to fight this, to rise to this challenge and that, that surprises and delights me. I have always, as I have said elsewhere, been frightened of death. Now, no longer...now I am just worried by not leaving enough memories for my children... I realise that whether I am low or well, sick or in remission, I want to live. I want to live, I want to be there for my children, for my family and most of all, for myself. If fighting is required then I am here, here with my shield, my sword and my armour... Bring on the battle, Cancer, if you dare!
5) All of you...Cancer has taught me that the help and succour that I receive from my blogfriends can be as rewarding as my real life friendships. The outpouring of hope that I received just a few days ago, when I was at the bottom of my dark, enclosed well, really did become the chain that hauled me out. I write, not to share, particularly, but to express my frustrations and my feelings which would otherwise overwhelm me. The fact that so many of you comment, so many of you share my blog with others, thrills me to my core, that by this, I am helping others... And for that, thank you..
6) Who said I could count? Cancer is the best excuse for getting away with anything EVER...When the man with the shopping arrives, 'I would help but I have cancer...'. Getting rid of nusiance sales calls is a breeze ' I have cancer....' and suddenly your name is taken off the list....People accomodate me in any way they can...and I do appreciate that...
So, not heartfelt gratitude to Cancer, after all, I really would have preferred a bout of flu, or the common cold, but there are ways in which it has changed me for the better....
Minerva
Technorati Tags: cancer, breast_cancer, lessons, learning, illness, gratitude, thankfulness
1) The most important and I am most ashamed that it had to be an illness that taught me this. Friends and family, the people who support you are riches beyond money. My mother who walks my dog, and does some of my shopping, my brother who accompanies me to every appointment are treasures that I have never seen before. They have revealed to me that family and dear friends are the real lottery, that a welcome hug, a warm word has value beyond any amount of riches....That the touch of a child is the most precious gift of all and that I, with my friends, and my dear family, am the winner of the lottery, yes, even the Euromillions, every day..
2) Live every minute. The way that Cancer impacts most lives is that life becomes bitter sweet. One realises the preciousness of every second which creates the sweetness, but realises that this may never happen again, that one may not be around in 5 years, 10 years or even tomorrow. But then, that is the same for all of us..isn't it? Who knows who might slam into our car on the next corner? Who knows what will happen on the next hump in the road? I wish I didn't have to learn this through Cancer, but you know what? At least, I have learnt it, and once learnt, I don't think that feeling of gratitude for the time I have will leave me...
3) I can do this and I can do it, without working, without a partner, and on my own. I have always regarded myself as fundamentally a weak person, a person who works through manipulation, through passive aggression and by mounting charm offensives to get what I want... When you realise that actually you don't get another chance, that this is all there is, then you go for what you want... I am having a few problems with a plumber at the moment..and rather than stewing for ever, I actually said to him on the phone this morning that I needed him to come when he said he would, that I didn't mind if it wasn't for a couple of days but I needed a definite time and date or else, I would have to call someone else...Not rude, just assertive...and you know what? I LIKE this person, this new assertive Minerva, who knows what she wants and will ask for it... (and right now, that is chocolate...*grin*)
4) I am not remarkable, different or particularly noteworthy. I am an ordinary person, but I have been able to fight this, to rise to this challenge and that, that surprises and delights me. I have always, as I have said elsewhere, been frightened of death. Now, no longer...now I am just worried by not leaving enough memories for my children... I realise that whether I am low or well, sick or in remission, I want to live. I want to live, I want to be there for my children, for my family and most of all, for myself. If fighting is required then I am here, here with my shield, my sword and my armour... Bring on the battle, Cancer, if you dare!
5) All of you...Cancer has taught me that the help and succour that I receive from my blogfriends can be as rewarding as my real life friendships. The outpouring of hope that I received just a few days ago, when I was at the bottom of my dark, enclosed well, really did become the chain that hauled me out. I write, not to share, particularly, but to express my frustrations and my feelings which would otherwise overwhelm me. The fact that so many of you comment, so many of you share my blog with others, thrills me to my core, that by this, I am helping others... And for that, thank you..
6) Who said I could count? Cancer is the best excuse for getting away with anything EVER...When the man with the shopping arrives, 'I would help but I have cancer...'. Getting rid of nusiance sales calls is a breeze ' I have cancer....' and suddenly your name is taken off the list....People accomodate me in any way they can...and I do appreciate that...
So, not heartfelt gratitude to Cancer, after all, I really would have preferred a bout of flu, or the common cold, but there are ways in which it has changed me for the better....
Minerva
Technorati Tags: cancer, breast_cancer, lessons, learning, illness, gratitude, thankfulness
22 comments:
And like osmosis, your learning is somehow transmitted to us out here in the blog world.
Wishing you mega sunshine and a great Friday.
Have a wonderful day Minerva, this is a beautiful post. You've summarized everything that Eric and I have learned beautifully. I wish too that we hadn't had to learn these lessons through cancer, but here we are with it, and we'll deal with it. And we'll be better people at the end of it.
I'm so glad that you are feeling better than you were at the beginning of the week...
love,
Amanda
This post had me tearing up Minerva. Beautifully written, as always. I wish you a relaxing and happy week-end, beautiful lady!
3T
it has been a couple months since i visited your blog, i came back to tell you that I am now a Breast Cancer 3 day walker!!!! I will walk in November in San Diego. DOings this for me and for everyone suffering, but especially for my friend Barb who was diagnosed right before thanksgiving. If you go to my blog you will see a post about it last friday. thanks
Again, reading your words is a privelege. I feel like I can't express to you enough how your words are reaching so many others.
Have a wonderful weekend!
P.S. The television program 'Lost' is not too scary. More mysterious than anything. It's also a good chance to get away once a week and think about a story that has nothing to do with day to day life.
there are some principles here I need to :
1. test for myself
2. apply
3. pass along to others
so may I link to this post?
your pal in the Olympics,
mAstofa Mumbo de jumbo
I would hope that if the situation was changed, and I was in your position that I would learn the same lessons.
You really rock. I couldn't have said it better. I haven't had cancer but I have lost two very important people that I know to the disease. My best friend died at age 14 of leukemia and my dad died at age 55 of pancreatic cancer. The most precious things that cancer has taught me is to live life to the fullest and love those you love without reservation. Never let them leave without saying I love you.
Number 6 made me laugh out loud.
I too can say "I'd help fold those clothes but it hurts my hands".
"I'd do the dishes but I can't feel and I'm afraid I'd cut my hands on a knife".
"Don't bother me, stupid salesperson on the phone, I have MS and stress/stupidity makes it worse".
And my personal favorite "No, it's a bad day today, so I can't go to that meeting or this appointment".
Hang in there.
I really have to admire your honesty. Sometimes it takes illness or adversity to really see the treasures that you do have.
I second Crazy... and everyone. Your vitality through all of this, your humor and honesty... all I can ever think is "WOW!!!!!! This woman is nothing short of amazing!"
A wonderful psot, as always, Minerva. I'm wondering if I can use that excuse to get out of doing things I don't want to do- such as grocery shop or bill paying? .....LOL
Min,
As Warren Zevon said, and I swear I try to live it, "enjoy every sandwhich".
A beautiful list and a reminder for us to remember what truly is important. Amazing how cancer can be an epithany.
Have a fun weekend with your girls...as many outdoor picnics as possible. Or you could consider the picnic in the National Film Theatre (with token purchased drinks) that we are doing. We reckon somewhere on the Southbank won't notice our island of chaos.
And say hello to the girls from me...
This is a great Post, Minerva...Everytime I come and vist you I read something that I personally find helpful and can apply to my own life...YOU are teaching me and others, too, I'm sure, the value of so very many things...and that's great thing for those of us out here in the Blogesphere who hope that we are giving something to you...And I know we do from everything you write...but, you give so VERY much to all of us...Todays list of 5...Oooops, no 6, is a perfect example of the gifts you bring to me...(and I think I can speak for others, too)..the gifts you bring to many many many of us out here in Cyberspace....Thank You so very much, dear Minerca.
The wise learn many things from their foes. ~Aristophanes
Very wise indeed.
Ken
Insight that we should all hold close xx
Five wise thoughts there, Minerva.
Hmmm...six I reckon there Jean-Luc :-)
And yes, as ever, Min, you hit the nail on the proverbial bonce...
Life...S'funny old thing eh? In order to learn the big stuff it seems that we have to
(a) Go and hang out with some Buddhist monks/the Dalai Lama for a while and/or
(b) Live to about 105 and generally be known for having 'seen a thing or two' and/or
(c) Get some crappy illness like cancer
Like you used to hon, I know I spend sooo much of my time sweating the small stuff. Because the small stuff looks big doesn't it when you don't have a sense of scale to measure it against (a bit like looking at life as if it was a photograph in which you can't tell whether the subject is 5 inches or 5 feet high because there is nothing to measure it against)?
Cancer has given you the scale. The ruler to hold up and measure things. We all wish it hadn't come into your life in this way Min, but it is a powerful gift you can and will take forward with you from here.
Oh yes...there's another way to get a glimpse of the big stuff and learn a few life lessons...
(d) Read Minerva's blog
:-)
Every time I come here, I am given food for thought! Thanks again.
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