Love

Love has screamed into my life, suddenly, without warning, like a racing car with tyres steaming in the heat of the tarmac.. We have moved from 0 to 180mph without even skidding and the speed, the passion and the road is utterly exhilarating. I am askance, glowing in the full glare of scrutiny and adoration and feel myself blooming like a flower. I remember the nature documentaries of my youth where a camera on a bud was shown and the petals, gently, delicately unfolded like christmas wrapping paper in the space of a few seconds. So, too, am I.

I was not looking for this. With the end of treatment, comes a reassessment of sexuality, of the body.. For this year, my body, to a large extent was my enemy. We take for granted that our bodies will fight our corner, will resist invaders and to realise that mine had surrendered, had raised the white flag and was in the process of cooperating with the ultimate bad guy was a shock. And then the period of distortion, where, prodded, poked, needled and pinned, my flesh changed shape, changed colour, and certain fundamental bodily truths like the presence of hair and my shape altered so that I, myself, the notion of my self had to change as well...

Because of all those feelings, I decided that I would not launch myself back onto the dating scene, the meat market but would rather gently engage in friendship, in undemanding companionship where I and a partner or if necessary, with several different partners could gently hone my skills and build my confidence to life in easy comfortable companionship. Yes, I knew that it wasn't the be all and end all but with my usual honesty, my companions were fully aware of where I was, where we were, and where we were or weren't going....

And then, WHAM. With screaming brakes, smoking tyres and an exhaust that shouted its emotion, you blared into my life. You swept in like a tsunami and completely overturned every well laid brick in my neat garden wall. Suddenly, every hour, every day is consumed by throughts of you, just as every day, every hour, you show me how much you adore me, and I? I unfold, I glow, and my petals bask in the sunshine that you create.

Minerva