This is getting to be too much. Yesterday a lesson ended in tears for me, and sleep seems to be eluding me at the moment. Why does certainty, even dreaded certainty, always seem more desirable than stressed innocence? Strangely enough I can deal with cancer, can deal with the thought of chemo and radiation, but I find the stress and worry of uncertainty hell.
I am tired too which never helps. Somehow physical tiredness seems to seep into my emotional reserves and my feelings are so much closer to the surface than they were. My patience has been chipped away and grains of irritation and occasionally flashes of anger seep through the buttoned down lid of rationality. And I do keep trying to be rational; keep trying to tell myself that it is unlikely that it is back; that if the doctors were worried, I would have been back the day after; that the chemo through my whole system must have killed off any lurking cells but still, still the doubts linger.
Three and a half days to go....
Minerva
16 comments:
Thinking of you, Minerva, and wishing only positive news for you. I just know in my heart that youare going to be okay. Here's praying my intuition is right.
As always, still thinking of you. You are stronger than before and you'll get through these next few days.
Here's hoping they fly by. Though they may not I can still hope right?
((hugs)) sits and waits...
i have good feelings. whatever it is you'll be a winner.xx
Sending positive thoughts down south. If you need me - call.
God, it really doesn't seem fair that after what you've so recently gone through, now this...And it's always that fear of the unknown that's worse, many times, than the actual knowing.
I have to agree though...had it shown something more definitive, they wouldn't wait till next week. Here's thinking very, very, positive for you, Minerva! You certainly deserve it.
Thinking of you Minerva. The waiting always sucks.
Enjoy your weekend with the girls, I wish I were there too!
hello,
you don't know me but my best wishes come to you from my side of the world.
take care.
Uncertainty is so tough, Minerva. Hope you sail through without a problem.
You are invited to my 300th post, which opens from Sunday night British time until Tuesday night. Hope you'll be there!
Dear Minerva ~ I am so sorry you have to wait for those results. Yu can't help worrying, but surely it could not come back so soon. Be brave, it won't be too long now and let's pray that it is good news. Thinking of you and sending positive vibes. Love, Merle.
thinking of you, Minerva...
Me too. I sure hope all is well.
Keeping fingers and toes crossed (and typing at the smae time) for you.
Hang in there. I just wandered over here, but I'm no stranger to cancer. As my good friend told me, don't worry before it's time.
I am always more able to cope with all the information in front of me, even if the "information" is of a nature I would have preferred to not have.
I think it's normal to feel that way. I wish that it was possible to relax when one is awaiting word on things of importance, but so often the mind just keps drumming up scenarions.... I'm sorry and I hope you can relax a little.
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