Mammogram

On Tuesday I have my first mammogram since the detection of cancer last year. I keep trying to tell myself that what will be, will be. That if it is back, it is the way of the world and fate. I try to tell myself that it is hugely unlikely that it is back so soon, a mere three months after the end of radiotherapy.

It doesn't work. Only a year ago, I was told by my doctor that the lump I had been anxiously feeling for the month before was cancer and that I was about to embark on a journey which physically, emotionally and spiritually has probably been one of the most demanding of my life. I am now permanantly aware that life cannot be taken for granted, that you cannot guarantee the length of your years on this earth. In the same breath that I try and plan my career for 10 years ahead, the devil on my left shoulder whispers that I may be dead in five...

Life is precious, live it.

Minerva

Freedom

Back to school for my gorgeous girls on Sunday and Monday which involves a four hour drive each day for me. On Monday evening, as I returned along the Cotswold hills, the sky was grey, in that no man's land between the end of the day and the beginning of the night. The moon hung like a smudged translucent pearl low in the sky and on the car radio Roy Orbison was singing about how he drove all night to be with you... and there it was. For a second of time, I experienced true freedom. My eyes followed the road, my hands were on the wheel and my mind wheeled and swung in perfect physical harmony with my senses. I felt free, free of the world, of the earth, of earthly concerns and in the moment, the sheer moment of living.

Freedom.

Minerva

New Year

And so a New Year begins. Tomorrow I return to school for a new set of classes, new staff and a new beginning. It seems incredible that only a year ago, I had a lump in my breast which I was planning to get checked on the 6th September and here we are, nearly a year later with chemotherapy, radiation and surgery firmly behind me.

In a week I have a follow up mammogram and in two weeks, I celebrate my 40th birthday. Back in June when I started thinking about it, I thought that I wouldn't have a party but instead just let it slink past. Thanks to my brother and sister in law, I rethought that idea and instead it will be a wonderful celebration, not just of becoming 40 but also of all the trials of the past year. It also serves as a huge thank you to my friends, my family and everyone who has stuck by me, with me and for me over the past 12 months.

Who knows how long a life we lead here? Certainly, I am more aware of grabbing life with both hands, and my impatience can be difficult for some..(!) but party while you can, celebrate everything that is wonderful about the life we lead, and the ordinary marvels that we encounter every day.. I shall try and think of that tomorrow as I wake up at 6.30 am after 6 weeks of rest. Naturally, though, I just think of all those people who don't have the weeks of rest that I do... I am a lucky woman,

Minerva