Reading some of my referral statistics the other day, I noted that quite a few people came to WOMP having googled the words, 'fear of cancer' so I did. Did you know that there are huge numbers of message boards filled with posts from people who are terrified of cancer? Whose parents, sisters, brothers, daughters, sons, aunts and uncles have died or suffered from cancer and who are consequently living in the looming shadow of the ultimate Damoclean sword? What is even more incredible is that before I was diagnosed in September 2005 I was one of them.
My father died young of cancer. Although it was smoking induced, the time between diagnosis and death was only four months and I was always afraid that this would mean I too would be leaving early. Every cough could have been a symptom . Strangely enough though, when I was actually diagnosed with it the actual fear of having it left. Of course, the first thing you think of when you are diagnosed is that you are going to die, and die soon. Living with cancer isn't something our generation saw when we were young. We saw our relatives diagnosed and then quite quickly die of cancer. It is only our generation that is changing that; thousands of us are now living, loving, laughing with cancer.
And this brings me, I think, to my final point. Cancer, actually, isn't that scary. I freely admit that death is frightening, that leaving my girls without their mother is terrifying but actual cancer ISN'T SCARY. Cancer just is, and it happens to be part of my life at the moment and possibly in the future. It is much less frightening for the person going through the treatment and the cancer itself than it is for those who are closest both in proximity and love. That is something I have learnt. I was so frightened for my father, and I am not frightened for myself for I know the power or not within me.
Actually having cancer, in its own way, isn't that scary because it is certainty. Yes, it is unfavourable certainty; I know that statistically I shall not live until I am 70, I know that it will probably come back within the next 10 years or so and that it will eventually get me. I know that but it doesn't terrify me. On the contrary, it gives me a certain hope that I shall achieve those things that are most important to me. We all know the maxim of a 'bus getting us tomorrow'. A lovely red double decker bus may indeed get me, but cancer will almost certainly. But I am not afraid of getting it any more; cancer is just an illness and an illness cannot destroy a person, cannot wreck a family and cannot intimidate the human spirit. What it does do is make one realise how special time is on this earth, how precious the relationships and friendships are that we make, and how each of us has only one chance and that is here, and now.
Don't let the fear of a disease take your life away.
Minerva
17 comments:
"here and now"
two certainties
two powerful tools
like hammer and chisel
carve for yourself and your loved ones, more beauty, more love, real depth of belonging. Use the here, and the now. Be wise, friend, show me and the others, how to live in the here and now.
Dear Minerva....M is for the many parts you are and these are two words for all of them...WONDROUSLY WONDERFUL. Your post today will lift the light for those whose lives it will gently touch.
Excellent post, absolutely spot on - thank you Minerva! Incidentally, I see some parallels - my father also died only 4 months after diagnosis, and he also died young (he would have been 62 this coming Tuesday). Despite all that, his humor and calm acceptance made a big impression on me.
Now my brother and I have both been urged to get ourselves checked out for bowel cancer, as there is a strong familial tendency (our father's father also died of it, aged only 54 - he died just 2 weeks after diagnosis). Even so, I find that although I shall make due use of all preventative measures, I'm not scared of cancer now. Neither am I scared of death.
I hope a lot of people will gain comfort from reading your post.
I think that this, of all the many posts you've ever written, was perhaps the most simple, and certainly the most inspiring yet.
Kudos, darling. Just for being so amazingly you.
All love,
Minx
So many good points there, Minerva. Fear of cancer shouldn't take the enjoyment of life away. Very uplifting post.
If only more people would understand the true meaning of life...the here and now. I applaude your strenth, your courage, your insight and your willingness to live in the moment. Thinking of you, Minerva.
Amen to that. Being in the Green Room is never as frightening as standing on the stage. And as you say, one fear you will never have again is of 'getting cancer'.
I wonder what the fear is really all about? My father died suddenly of a heart attack, my mother, as you know, had breast cancer twice and lived to tell the tale (and it's now 31 years later). I wonder too about what will 'get' me. But when I unpack that I guess what I really worry about is that whatever it is will take 'me' away...change me into someone I'm not, turn me into someone I don't know, don't understand, and that others cannot love, and that will make me alone. Thus I am vaguely, in the darker moments, frightened of dementia - Altzheimers etc. The thought of losing myself.
What you offer here Min is the evidence that cancer doesn't do that. It can't get inside, to you. You have showed us that you - the you inside - are immune to it. And that's something that can make us all feel a little braver. You shown it here in your articulate and insightful words about things that are important to us all (and you don't have to have cancer to know the truth of them, which is why so many come to read your writing). And you've shown it to me.
Thanks.
Thanks for this perspective Minerva. Reading helps me understand what my friends and family are going through.
AMAZING MINERVA..."HOW GREAT THOU ART"
long live Minerva!
Wow, M, very well said. Once again, I'm going to be sharing this with those around me. I'm so thankful I get to read your words, you say things so much better than most are able.
Min, you are soooo right. Fear is the biggest killer. Letting go of fear gives us the freedom and "lightness of being" to achieve great things. (Anger, now that is another story! :(
Minerva, your words inspire and give strength. Thanks so much for sharing
I know what you mean. Wouldn't it be good if we could get our priorities right without life threatening illness and life sapping treatments. I may have said that before. Not that I learned anything from merely having that thought.
Hope you're as ok as can be. Hugs to you.
As wise as ever, dear Min...
"I know that but it doesn't terrify me. On the contrary, it gives me a certain hope that I shall achieve those things that are most important to me."
I always think it's a shame that it's only when we are touched by our own mortality that we see the things that are most important.
Keep up the good work, Minerva. It's a long war rather than a short battle, but your virtual army is here....... :-)
My real dad died of asbestosis when I was 17. He died within 6 weeks of diagnosis.
cq
The guy who cut my hair for over 25 years always thought he would die at or near the age of 52, just because his dad had a heart attack at age 52. This guy had 4 heart attacks, all before the age of 52. But he was convinced that he would die at that age. He did, but it was liver failure that got him, due to excessive drinking. I think he brought on an early death, byt brooding about it and bein convinced that he would die young. I am glad you don't think cancer is all that scary.
It is not certain that cancer will get you. Statistics and prognosis don't mean anything. My mother survived one cancer and 12 years later she barely survived another, not a metastasis, not a reoccurrence, but a new cancer. Life has its own devices, mostly impenetrable to us.
In the end, what gets all of us, beyond sheer mortality, is our own tragic inability to love.
Very well-written and thought-provoking, as usual. I am convinced that through this blog, your experience will enrich and help others; every time I read your blog, I gain a deeper insight into life.. :-) God bless you.
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