On Sunday I took a trip to Ronda, one of the most beautiful towns in Spain and where the first bull fighting arena was built. Whatever you think about bull fighting, and this is not the place to argue about it, you cannot deny that there is an awful grandeur and dignity about it all. The ceremony of the matador, the dignity of an animal that fights to the death, the ritual that surrounds the fatal dance, all have a terrible beauty. I have never seen a bullfight, but as I imagine the blood, the pain, the dance of the matador, the chance that man or bull will go down first, I feel that I wouldn't be able to look through my hands, that although I would feel compelled to witness the last moments of a beautiful animal, that I wouldn't be able to look for the sheer cruelty and unfairness of it all.
And the same is true of cancer and those who suffer from it. I wore a scarf most of the time in Spain, but on the way over, when I was hot, I removed it and the looks I got, that I caught, were similar to the looks that I would give the bullfight. I would look for curiosity's sake, because of the cruelty of a woman robbed of her hair, and yet, I would also want to look away because of the sheer anomaly of it all, of a woman with no hair. The cruelty too, of a woman robbed of her 'crowning' glory, as well as a recognition that a bald woman is facing up to her mortality, has been temporarily or perhaps permanently crippled by cancer and its treatment. Just like the bull and his matador, cancer and its fighter are dancing. In a bullfight, the outcome is certain, but this bull isn't giving up anytime soon.
Minerva
17 comments:
What an incredible analogy! Your writing is so beautiful and so powerful. There are so many bad metaphors for "fighting" cancer and it is so hard to find visual images that convey the complexities of the cancer battle(s).
I don't know if you intended it, but this post brought to mind an image of you -- Minerva -- as the matador. Quick, graceful, engaged in this morbid dance with this large, ferocious, and unrelenting animal. An image of you -- with a team of "assistants" (have no idea what those guys who help the matador are called) bringing the animal to it's knees and eventually delivering the final blow.
Incredibly powerful writing. I'm in awe!!!
I don't fancy the chances of your bull getting out intact. The cheers around you echoing in your ears as you deal the final blow. Ole!
fighting the good, noble fight, just as it should be. Good luck.
I have felt so helpless thinking I can't help.....
but I have found a way to help lots of people....
http://craziequeen.blogspot.com/2007/04/race-for-life-2007.html
I am doing it for you, Minerva.
cq
[blows big kiss]
you are an absolute angel, Min.
Keep fighting and I'll keep walking.....
cq
I don't think there's even a tiny part of you that could even consider giving up!
Keep fighting, sweetheart xx
I'm so glad to see you posted your writing again. The analogy of the Matador and El-toro in the bull ring speaks of a triumphant Matador as she waves her "red "scarf" at the cheering crowd....and I've got a front row seat!
A bull with the courage to not hide from anything is the most beautiful kind of bull of all.
You continue to blow me away with your spirit, your pluck, and your innate ability to write words that sing.
They are just stares, from people you don't even know, who don't matter in the grand scheme of your life.
When they stare, give them a BIG smile and wave....perhaps even grab their hand and say "I do SO appreciate your being a member of my fan club!" Take advantage of this now! Once you're well, it's back to propriety and all that,
Fabulous analogy Minerva...! It is interestinh what you say about the fight to the death in a bullfight...Many Many years ago, 45, I think...I went to my first bullfight--(Only went to one other, and just couldn't take it, for all the reasons you so beautiful stated...) It was shocking on so very many levels...not the least of which the man and the bull both being at such risk...I always felt in some horrid way, that the Matador with all the help he gets from the Bandelarrows and the others, always had the advantage of the bull...and I wanted in some crazy way for the bull to win...What I didn't realize was, the bill never wins, no matter what...! (Not a fair fight, is it?) I think because of that, I see you as the Matador...It is a fight, but I believe you have the chance to win...and I'm rootinng for you with all my heart.
The cruelty of people sometimes overwhlems me...but the other side of that coin, is the beauty and the bravery and kind hearts of others. You are the other side of that coin, Minerva...brave and beautiful and with a huge loving and kind kind heart.
What you have written is brilliant!
Your writing is so amazing. This post truly touched me.
what you lost on top, will grow back again. what some folks lack, under their scalps, is tragically gone forever. I will take your brains, over any mass of flaming red curls, ANY DAY!
fight on, snort, kick
paw the ground. Have fun, I see a matador ( cancer) flying into the seats with his pants torn up.
(oww that hurt)
No this bull isn't giving up anytime soon is she? And I for one am glad, because, amongst the many reasons, I just do not know what I would do without her.
I don't think you've been robbed of your crowning glory Min. Your crowning glory is your compassion. As I know well today.
I am glad to hear that. Your analogy is perfect. We got word today that Elizabeth Edwards, the wife of a U.S. Presidential Candidate has stage 4 breast cancer (it has spread to her bones). She has an incredibly upbeat attitude; at least that is the face she presents to the world. I am praying for you both.
Your Courage is like a tall Lighthouse in my mind, a beacon of direction and strength and I really admire you!!!
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