Good News - ish.
I suppose it is good news, she says, grudgingly. The cancer in my armpit and my thymus has not grown bigger or advanced. That is great but there is a possible new area in my neck. There is nothing to feel though so it could be a falst postitive as PETs are renowned for it. The problem is that they are so new the doctors do feel uncertain of how to proceed and need backup from other sources. The Prof. feels that it isn't enough to base treatment on so I have had blood tests for markers today and I am having a CT scan in three weeks time to see if they come up on that as well.
So why, if it's good news, do I feel so down? Why do I feel so close to weeping? A friend has suggested that it is just the reality hitting again, and I am sure she is right. There is no easy way of dealing with what this disease throws at you. I keep thinking I am hitting acceptance and then a day happens like today and I just feel miserable even though others keep telling me it's 'good news.'
Time to deal with it I think, before my kids come back from their shopping trip.
*sigh*
Minerva
11 comments:
That does sound like good news Minerva. Now hopefully you can enjoy Christmas with your girls and relax a little. Merry Christmas and God Bless.
I do feel for you, such a huge roller coaster. I don't suppose any amount of good news will ever take away the utter impact of what has already happened.
And maybe, like when your child has run across the road and one feels so relieved they were not killed but at once very angry with them.
However, I am thrilled for you and if I was there I'd hug you but let you cry about it all.
Just got home from shopping and I have been thinking of you all day Minerva..
Do you suppose you feel like weeping because you are just a little bit relieved?
But still you are afraid and still you are thinking about your children ahead of yourself.
What a wonderful woman you are Minerva!
I bless the day that Donna ever introduced us to you on her blog...Love Terry
Put it all behind you for the moment and enjoy Christmas to the max.
Wow, it's just up and down constantly, isn't it honey?
Perhaps you're tearful just because you are tired and frustrated. Good news loses the glow after such a long battle.
Keeping you in my thoughts, sweetie.
cq
Oh honey...it is good news, but I do see how you feel...I wish I could think of something profound to say, but all I really want to do is send you a big (((((hug))))) x
I totally understand the weeping... even if it is good news, who needs the build-up and the wait? Who needs cancer? and the violation of one's person and life? XXOO I am so grateful to read parts of your journey. Thank you. I hope it helps to have this audience.
You are always in my thoughts; this is my last stop before my road trip tomorrow and will be my first when I get home on Monday (weather cooperating).
I can't blame you for feeling like crying! As Caroline says, this is a huge roller coaster! Even when you hear something good, it brings you back to "reality" for a moment...
Hugs...
alan
Ups and downs can do that to you. The emotional roller coaster in a situation like yours can go both fast and with sharp turns. And sometimes you need a bit of time to let it sink in.
And in the opposite to a lot of life changes that we can control, cancer won't give you a chance to prepare for good or bad news really. It 'just' happens, with our without your permission.
I'm crossing everything I have two of here that the good news will continue.
I will be thinking of you. You are a strong beautiful spirit.
Hugs across the ocean. x
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