Scared
I am a little nervous about tomorrow. I have just shrugged it off to others telling them that being told the first diagnosis is the worst, or that they can't tell me anything I don't already know, but my mind is constantly churning. I don't know what they are going to say tomorrow. Will there be a limiter? A two year/one year/ six month sentence? Will it have spread conspiciously to an organ of mine?
And then, there's telling the kids. I mean, at the moment, there seems absolutely no point. I am well, I seem to be improving and there is no outward sign that I have this disease at all. My nose hasn't turned green, or my hair fallen out or anything of that ilk. And I really, really don't want to drop bad news on anyone at Christmas. Not because Christmas is not a time for bad news, but because if I do, it means that every Christmas future will be tainted by grief, when it is a time of joy and celebration.
Keeping it secret though, is hard, harder than I thought. A careless comment from the girls about how I 'shouldn't sleep in the afternoons', or why I'm tired when 'normal mothers' aren't really does touch a nerve. It does, however, normally mean that I am overtired and need a nap thus ensuring the vicious circle! It is lovely to have them here though.
An afternoon baking cookies, making cakes and a huge mess over the kitchen which I really should be tidying up..but then again, I am a little tired and my bed beckons.
Bring it on tomorrow...
Minerva
4 comments:
Minerva, in your zeal to keep the Holidays as normal as possible for your girls, I hope you will not neglect your rest. They can be told that all the treatments you have undergone this year make you fatigue easier than you might normally. It is not good to overdo and make yourself overtired.
Aloha Minerva.. continued prayers for you and wisdom to know in your heart when all you need to say will be said, and when. It's good to rest, it is good for the mind, spirit, body, and soul. May your holidays be filled with peace, joy, hope, and moments filled with precious memories along the way.
Joyful
Dear Minerva.
It is 3:15 am here in Canada and 8:15 in London.
I don't know what time your appointment is but I am praying for you, as you soon will be on the way there.
I am hoping for good, good news.
I know you are scared, a lot more scared than anyone of us except those in the same predicament that you are in know.
Never the less I feel the fear too and God knows too how afraid you are....so I will just continue on praying for you my dear friend...
I know you must be tired after baking all those cookies Minerva but don't worry about your daughters noticing how tired you are.
Everybody is tired just to think of all the cleaning up they have to do after such a fun time..That is normal.
Every Saturday night when we were kids, my mom would set my sister and I loose to bake whatever we wanted and the deal was this.."You kids do the baking and I will do the cleaning up."
Worked for us!!
It was a good deal!
And you know what just being young, I guess we didn't even notice that the poor lady was tired!!...
Thinking of you.....Love Terry
John 11:3
So Mary and Martha sent someone to tell Jesus, "Lord, the one you love is sick."
We love you so Minerva but the little babe who grew up and was crucified for us all loves you more!!
Hugs to you Minerva and hope you find the right way to balance everyone's needs including your own.
Anyway, why do you have to be having important hospital appointments and outcomes just before Christmas? But then, it could be good news .....
Hopeful.
But realism is good and releasing too. (((Hugs)))
Post a Comment