Finally, the clouds are lifting. At last, my mood seems to be climbing up again having been really low over the past month or so. I have been irritable, grumpy with those I love and sleeping an incredible amount. I have also wondered, to be honest, if I was depressed and contemplated meeting a doctor and going onto anti-depressants. I used to be on them, and in fact, only came off in the early Summer after being on them for over twenty years. Because I am a manic depressive, I do have a very sensitive antenna as far as my moods are concerned so when my mood started turning on Sunday I was concerned lest it was a blip of happiness in a TV screen of darkness.
But, it appears to be settling in and staying. And that sense of energy and activity has helped me start to tackle the everyday problems around me, and that, my friends, is what continues to keep me going. My house is a mess; a maelstrom of books, animals, children and the detritus that each leaves. Given that I have had two and a half years blighted by eight months each year on 'Cancer leave', the house, naturally, has been neglected. The leaks and the urgent things have been done, but the stains on the plaster, the chips in the walls, the holes in the floorboards remain unplugged.
Time for that to change. I have the number of a builder, I have the number of someone to build cupboards, and I have even started trying to empty my glorious junk whirlpool of clutter and left overs of my previous days. It is slow; I freely admit that, but the stone has been nudged, and once the impetus begins, it does get harder to stop.
I have also signed up for a course writing fiction starting in May. I have never had much confidence in my prose before, and I don't think I 'do' characters and plotlines but I have always wanted, as you know, to write that book. I know now, after my experiences of the last two years, that if I don't start now, the opportunity may never come for, despite my good news, Cancer is a hard and implacable enemy daunted, it seems, by nothing.
It could always come back. But, until it does, I am going to get out there, create the house I have always wanted and start putting my dreams into action, right now, right here, today.